One of the great MCG Tests saw record attendances and a dynamite finish, with Australia taking a 2-1 lead in the Border-Gavaskar Trophy.
Here’s the report card for the fourth Test.
Babysitting Sam Konstas
Grade: C
Pat Cummins, upon handsomely winning the toss and checking the weather forecast, immediately chose to bat first.
As it turned out, the projected 40-degree temperatures on day one were offset, at least somewhat, by cloud cover and a blustery northerly breeze that swirled around the stadium.
“It’s all renewables, though, right?” said Cummins, giving a hearty thumbs up to new team youngling, Sam Konstas, who was too busy running giddily around the MCG to notice his captain’s concern for future generations.
First, the little fella was pretending to be a fire engine, weaving in and out of his team mates during the warm-ups, making siren sounds with his mouth.
Next thing we knew, Sam had somehow found a trampoline and was bouncing as high as he could, screaming ‘look at me!’ at Travis Head, who gave him a weary nod.
Shortly after, Sam was a dinosaur, sneaking up on Mitchell Starc, who pretended to be scared when the terrifying Konstasaurus attacked him.
But, alas, after all that activity, it was time for the team huddle, which saw an awkward moment when Sam accidentally called Cummins ‘Dad’, but that quickly passed, and the excitable youngster ran out to the middle of the MCG to face up to Jasprit Bumrah.
Virat Kohli’s Shoulder
Grade: D+
After defending and missing like a common McSweeney for the first over from Bumrah (and, frankly, surviving one Bumrah over? Job done, in the eyes of most of the MCG crowd. Build the kid a statue), Konstas decided he’d had enough of this.
The sneering adorable maniac that he is, he instead started trying to ramp Bumrah.
At first, as he played and missed his ramps, it was amusing. Certainly, it gave Khawaja a hearty chuckle at the non-striker’s end, where the senior partner was so sensibly shielded.
And, hey, clowning about for Usman’s approval? Who among us hasn’t thought about it?
But then Konstas took off, connecting, and blasting his way to a thrilling 60 (65).
In between Konstas’s blitz on Bumrah, we also had Virat Kohli stepping into proceedings.
Quite literally stepping into them as he wandered half a pitch out of his way so he could give Konstas a shoulder bump.
A beautiful tribute to the late Andrew Symonds. And, if anything, shame on Konstas for being fully clothed during it.
Konstas’s mad foundation enabled Steve Smith to bring up yet another century at the MCG on day two, ‘continuing his love affair with the ground’.
Y’know, I like it when commentators refer to a player having a ‘love affair’ with a specific ground. I just wish they went into far more salacious detail on the relationship.
Tell us about sneaking around for a net session away from prying eyes, or a burner bat that you secretly use to hide what’s going on, or the thrill of interacting with the ground in a non-cricketing capacity, smiling at the secret knowledge of your illicit tryst.
That kind of stuff. More erotica about the MCG and Smith, please, who I am assured ‘makes hundreds for fun’.
Don’t like that cliche so much. ‘Makes fundreds’, please.
Steve Smith celebrates after scoring a century. (Photo by Santanu Banik/Speed Media/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)
Pantics™
Grade: A-
In pursuit of Australia’s 474, Australia made the sloppy mistake of not dismissing Yashasvi Jaiswal first or second ball. This opened up the option for him to put on a century partnership with Kohli, advancing the score to 2/153.
That’s when Jaiswal hit the ball to Cummins at mid-on, called for a single, and Kohli refused to take it, stranding both of them at the non-striker’s end.
Yes, for the second time in two days, Kohli found himself in the middle of the pitch gesticulating angrily to a thrilling young batter who he should have been nowhere near.
We then got some Rishabh Pantics, the superstar wicketkeeper somersaulting himself out, following up a missed rolling scoop with a mishit rolling scoop that flew to Nathan Lyon at fly slip.
But just as Australia seemed on the brink of being given the opportunity to not enforce the follow-on, Washington Sundar joined Nitish Kumar Reddy, and the pair serenely saw their team past not just the won’t-be-enforced-follow-on mark, but to India’s highest first innings score of the series.
Reddy completed a nerve-wracking century after number eleven Mohammed Siraj survived three balls from Cummins while Reddy was 99*.
The weather then decided that was a fitting conclusion to the day, almost immediately growing too dark for further play, before rain swiftly followed, and little Sammy Konstas spending the afternoon in his raincoat, delightedly jumping in the outfield puddles.
Slimer
Grade: D+
The fourth day of this fantastic Test was more or less bookended by Cummins trying to review an already reviewed catch and Bumrah taking a five wicket haul via KL Rahul’s knees that was overturned for a no ball.
Just two great fast bowlers at the top of their comedy cricket game.
The first bookend was a possible bump ball that saw third umpire Sharfuddoula jackhammering the ‘not out’ button like a foul-mouthed eleven-year-old playing Mortal Kombat.
A frazzled Cummins immediately trotted over to the onfield umpires, making the T sign, as if to say ‘well, can we at least ask him to look at it properly?’, but to no avail.
The latter bookend was Bumrah, taking the new ball, and finding Lyon’s edge to take his fifth wicket for the innings.
Except the ball flew to KL Rahul at slip, who fumbled the chance.
Except Rahul somehow caught the dropped chance between his knees, much to the rest of the cordon’s delight.
Except Bumrah had overstepped negating the wicket.
Superb comedy cricket from everybody involved.
In between those two great moments, Bumrah, once again devouring superlatives like a gluttonous monster (eg Slimer the ghost from Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters II, Ghostbusters (2016) and Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire) nom-nom-nommed his way through Konstas (inexplicably not scooping hm for six), Travis Head, Mitchell Marsh and Alex Carey to reduce Australia to 6/91 in their second innings, a lead of just 196.
Trouble? No. Because Cummins donned the ol’ S cape yet again, and he and Marnus Labuschagne, followed by Lyon (!) and Scott Boland (!!) saw Australia to a lead of 339.
Technology
Grade: C
Any chance of Inda chasing 340 on the final day was immediately scuppered by early wickets from Cummins and Starc
But that didn’t prevent Pant and Jaiswal from shutting things down in the second session, batting disappointingly (disa-Pant-ingly?) sensibly to see the visitors to the brink of a draw at 3/112 at tea.
After the break, however, Head skilfully tricked Pant into taking an unholy slog to specialist fielder Marsh in the deep. Other wickets then swiftly followed, none more controversial than the one of Jaiswal.
An attempted hook saw him glove the ball to Carey. But umpire Joel Wilson, still nursing that painful recurring finger injury he sometimes gets, sensibly opted to keep it immobile and by his side.
(A ‘Joel, you need to change your decision’ t-shirt, please.)
The (immediate) review showed a clear deviation off the glove, but nothing on Snicko, creating a splendid opportunity for at least one set of raucous fans (and, to be fair, it was a record number of raucous fans at a Boxing Day Test) to feel hard done by.
This time around it was India fans, led by Sunil ‘I’m half the trophy, remember?’ Gavaskar, who immediately argued that ‘if the evidence of technology is not to be taken then why have it?’, presumably operating under the assumption that super slow motion television cameras aren’t technology, but perhaps some kind of naturally occurring plant life?
Anyway. Jaiswal was out. So, eventually, was everybody else. And Australia had won one of the great Tests.
